


When The Broken Glass Litters The Floor

by andnowsomeonenew



Series: The Way You Said I Love You [2]
Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F, a brave new world fix it, it may have extended a little since then, post brave new world, smut was written in a pub car park with a flat tire, this has taken me MONTHS to write and started as a 1500 word addition to the way i love you series
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-25
Updated: 2018-03-25
Packaged: 2019-04-08 02:15:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,151
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14094852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andnowsomeonenew/pseuds/andnowsomeonenew
Summary: Would anyone be interested in me continuing this through later episodes to see how it affects them?





	When The Broken Glass Litters The Floor

‘Here’s to keeping it confined to theatre.’ They clinked, both hearts breaking a little at the denial of something that could well be amazing . Both of them wanted desperately for the other to change their mind, both thinking that this cessation was what the other wanted when really that couldn't be further from the truth.

 

They smiled at one another, eyes screaming for the other to speak up. Neither did.

 

Bernie rose, making to move toward her desk but the flash of hurt she saw in her best friends eyes made her falter, the action causing her hip to catch the corner of the Serena’s desk. She hissed, dropping her glass in shock at the bolt of pain that shot down her leg. The glass shattered, sending Shiraz flying everywhere and littering the floor with broken shards.

 

‘Shit! God what a mess. Sorry.’ Bernie dropped to her knees and began to haphazardly grab at chunks of glass before realising the wider predicament she’d got her into. Just her luck- in trying to remove herself from Serena’s presence she’d instead found herself mere inches from Serena’s crotch. She had to get away as quickly as possible before she did something stupid again. How easy it would be to lean forwards and press her lips against the seam of her trousers, how easy it would be to slide her hands up Serena’s legs and wrap her fingers around those firm thighs. But she couldn’t. She wouldn’t. She mustn’t. Otherwise everything would be ruined.

 

How was it possible that the greatest moment of her entire life had made the woman she loved, easily more than she ever had Marcus, want to die? Was this her punishment for being such a terrible wife and mother? For Alex? She felt a sob rise in her throat and barely managed to keep it contained, the pain of the glass shards she’d landed on when she fallen to her knees enough to distract her.

 

She jumped as she felt Serena’s hand land on her shoulder. Instinctively her head snapped up to look at the source of the interruption and audibly gulped as her eyes fell on the now very on-show cleavage of a bent over Serena. She knew she should look away, that staring at her friends tits would only compound the problem but she couldn’t, the pull was too strong. Faced with what she so desperately wanted but could not have, it finally became too much and she felt the first few intrepid tears began to slip down her cheeks.

 

Serena stared down at her friend, her hand tightening around Bernie's shoulder as she felt them begin to shake. Concerned, she moved her chair so she was able to join her best friend on the floor.

 

'Bernie?' She untangled the lithe fingers she’d found herself staring so intently at earlier in the day from the shards of glass in their grasp, fearing a not insignificant laceration would soon occur if Bernie continued to clench her fists so tightly. ‘Bernie look at me. Please?’ She crooked a finger under Bernie’s chin and lifted her face to meet hers. She was stunned to feel tears drip onto her hand as Bernie rebuffed her touch.

 

‘I’m sorry.’

 

‘Bernie! Don’t worry- it’s just a little glass. Admittedly it’ll take me a while to fully grieve for the loss of such a fine Shiraz but with your help I truly believe I can get through it. Come on Bernie, that has to be worth a smile at the very least? Please look at me.’

 

‘I can’t.’

 

‘Bernie I’m worried about you. Tell me what’s wrong.

 

‘I told you I can’t! I’m sorry, I truly am. I’ll just go.’ Bernie made to stand up but found herself being forced back down, both of them wincing at the crunch of glass.

 

‘Stay right where you are Wolfe! Why can’t you look at me?’

 

‘Because you’ll see.’ Bernie mumbles, barely audible to the concerned woman in front of her.

 

‘See what?’

 

‘Seethatmyheartisbreakingandyoullwanttodieagainandiloveyoutoomuchtoletthathappenandidneverwanttomakeyouuncomfortable.’

 

‘Uhhh. Could you repeat that please? In English? Preferably with a few breaths along t-‘ Serena broke off as Bernie finally lifted her eyes to meet hers. She’d long thought Bernie’s eyes far too expressive for such a private person but nothing could have prepared her for the pure, agonised, heartbreak she was suddenly faced with. ‘Oh Darling.’

 

‘Don’t. Please don’t call me that, not if you don’t mean it.’

 

‘What?’

 

‘It’s okay Serena, I know you don’t. I should go before I make even more of a fool of myself.’ Bernie managed to stand, still tie to Serena through the death grip on her hands.

 

‘I could never think you a fool.’ Serena rolled her eyes, stuck for any other action in the confusion.

 

‘Well I feel like one.’

 

‘Why?

 

‘It doesn’t matter.’

 

‘It does to me.’ Serena could feel the tears start begin to build in her own eyes.

 

‘Well tough.’

 

‘Why must you argue with everything I say?!’

 

‘Because sometimes I like to not have my every thought invaded and scrutinised. Because it's MY problem and I'm working through it on MY own.'

 

'Fine. Sorry to be such an inconvenience.' Serena stormed out of the room.

 

'Serena no-'

 

* * *

 

'You want to know what's wrong Serena?' Bernie appeared in the doorway to the locker room, interrupting the angry grumbles her best friend was uttering into the locker she currently had her face pressed up against. Serena turned, preparing herself to swallow her pride and apologise for her outburst. Her breath caught in her throat at the sadness that evaded her best friends every pore.

 

'Bernie?'

 

'You want to know what I said in our office? I said that I don't want to keep it confined to theatre. At all. Because I love you Serena. I've fallen deeply in love with you- you're my dream girl. Literally. You’re exactly the type of woman I would dream of allowing myself to fall in love with when I was young. Seeing you so uncomfortable today broke my heart but I would do anything to avoid making you feel any worse than I already have. Except now I have. Christ Serena I kissed you and it made you wish you were dead. I can’t deal with that. I wouldn’t even know where to begin dealing with that. I couldn’t look you in the eye earlier because you would see how much I was hurting, how close I was to kissing you again. God I’ve thought of nothing but that kiss all weekend. I didn’t think you’d reciprocate my feelings but that didn’t stop me remembering how soft your lips are, didn’t stop my imagination running wild imaging how the crease of your neck would feel under my teeth. I didn’t want to tell you because if you knew then there would be no way back from it. Now you know, and I’m sorry.’

 

Bernie about turned and was gone before Serena could process the revelations unburdened upon her. She stood, rooted to the spot with feet of lead, her jaw hanging loosely in what would have been a comical visage had anybody been left to witness it. Instead she was alone, every tick of the clock meaning the distance between her and the woman who loved her was ever growing. Bernie loved her! Was in love with her. So much for not creating a Sapphic angst fest. She’d barely got her head around the idea of potentially being more than friends with Bernie and then Bernie had said they should remain as just friends and now Love was on the table. Talk about emotional whiplash.

 

She didn’t love Bernie back, not in that sense, not at this moment but it was heart wrenchingly easy to imagine falling for her best friend.

 

God if only Bernie hadn’t mentioned love.

 

* * *

 

 

 

Bernie was certain she’d never focused so intently on the road in her entire life. Every bend and turning was actively thought about, every press of the pedal calculated to the nth degree. Silently she counted the streetlights she passed, the flashes of orange light like warning sirens telling her she was almost home where she would have nothing to do but berate herself.

 

Two more bends then a right at Appledore Cross, two junctions ahead and a left down Rydon.

 

Anything to keep her mind from processing everything that had happened in the past 2 hours.

 

* * *

 

She barely made it through her front door before her resolve broke and she found herself slumping against the hallway wall, an anguished wail of pain bursting forth from her chest, her knees giving out under her. How had had the situation escalated so quickly? They’d reached an agreement to forget what had happened and continue on as friends but she’d fucked it all up by letting her emotions get in the way. Major Wolfe of a year ago would have been disgusted by such a weak showing, she knew the importance of a good cry but the idea of crying over unrequited love was simply ridiculous.

 

But Major Wolfe had never met Serena Campbell.

 

Major Wolfe didn’t know about the woman who sang show tunes as she did admin, didn’t know the woman who had a secret love of Carry On films and 70’s BBC comedy programming, didn’t know of the woman whose eyes were so warm they could melt even the coldest of hearts over a glass of Shiraz, the woman who was just as comfortable schmoozing with the elite as she was curled up on the sofa with a tub of ice cream in the ‘godawful monstrosity’ of a neon onesie Jason had bought on her birthday. Bernie’s own matching onesie-presented alongside Serena’s so she would not feel like the odd one out on the many occasions she joined them- was likely still folded on the arm of what was unofficially her end of Serena’s sofa. How had they come so far without her realising it? How had Serena’s house become the first thing she thought of when she thought of home? When had her best friend become her world?

 

She tried to remember the calming techniques she’d learnt in basic training- it wouldn’t do to make herself sick in her own hallway.

 

She pulled herself up, took several deep breaths, pushed the memory of the kiss from her mind and finally began to feel her breathing even out.

 

‘You stupid, stupid woman.’ She allowed herself one final moment of self-recrimination before squaring her shoulders and going to wash her face.

* * *

 

Serena frowned at the lack of light emanating from Bernie’s house. She’d raced round to set her best friend straight -or not straight as she hoped- but had had no response. She’d tried phoning Bernie, had searched her various retreats to no avail. She wished she knew Cam’s number but suspected he’d know even less than she did. So back she was on Bernie’s doorstep, willing to spend the whole night sat there waiting if that was what it took to catch her coming home.

 

Would it be a step too far, she found herself wondering as the cold began to seep into her bones, to use her spare key to let herself in? Would that seem too presumptuous or come off as desperate- creepy even? How quickly things had changed, just three days ago she had walked right into Bernie’s house without knocking, confident that she would be welcomed.

 

She was startled out of her rumination by a crash inside the house. Someone was in the house and Serena knew it couldn’t be Bernie-even with the shambles they now lay in she would never ignore her. Would she? Serena wasn’t sure about anything anymore.

 

* * *

 

 

Bernie swore as the mug clattered against the sideboard, diving to save it before it could smash against the tile floor, sending a thankfully empty saucepan flying. At least one thing today hasn’t been broken beyond repair.

 

She hasn’t expected to see Serena on her doorstep again, the image of the woman she loved reflected through the flat due to the near improbable quirk of her downstairs layout meaning that when in the right position, the mirrors would line up to form an almost periscope effect projecting the front door to the back kitchen. It was an effect Serena herself had benefited from when telemarketers had appeared when watering Bernie’s plants one time. The first time Serena had knocked that evening Bernie had been in the bath and missed her leaving. Another fuck up. But now she’d returned to her doorstep-was that a good sign or a bad? Was all hope not lost after all or had Serena come around to demand her resignation. There was only one way to find out.

 

* * *

 

Serena’s jaw dropped as Bernie swung open the door.

 

Bernie tried to keep her expression neutral, didn’t want to react in case it was the wrong one but she’d forgotten just how beautiful Serena was, especially when she was confused.

 

‘Bernie? I thought you weren’t in. I knocked earlier.’

 

‘I was in the bath.’

 

‘I looked everywhere for you. I phoned you many times Bernie.’

 

‘Well. Now you’ve found me-come to demand my resignation? To tell me you’re filing a sexual assault claim against me?’ It would be what she deserved after throwing herself at Serena.

 

‘No!’ Serena was stunned by the venom in Bernie’s voice. ‘Not at all, I would never-I couldn’t-can I come in please?

 

‘It’s a free country.’ She hated herself as she saw Serena wince for the second time in less than 30 seconds. But she couldn’t let her guard down yet, not until she was sure what it was Serena wanted from her. ‘Come in. You must be cold standing out there in this wind-cup of tea?’ That was more like it-friendly but unlikely to make Serena wish she was dead. ‘I’ve just made a pot.’

 

‘Please. Thank you.’

 

* * *

 

 

Minutes that felt like hours later, they were sat beside each other, the distance between them much greater than normal although still closer than the average pair of friends at odds. Even broken they could not help but gravitate toward each other. They sipped at their tea, the slurps the only sound, neither sure of how to begin. To both their surprises it was Bernie who broke the silence.

 

‘Say something. Please Serena.’ Serena looked at Bernie, really looked at her, saw the terrified woman peering  she was so fond of. The woman who usually hid behind a facade of strength but now curled in on herself, hugging her knees to her chest.

 

‘You love me? You’re IN love with me.’

 

‘Yes. Very much so.’ There was no point lying now.

 

‘How long?’ Bernie couldn’t help the laugh that barked forth at the question.

 

‘Longer than I know-Cam had to point it out to me. How embarrassing is that? My own son who hadn’t seen me in months knew before I did. I don’t know where it started-since the moment I saw you I knew you were amazing, and then we talked and I knew you were someone special. You may have noticed I’m hardly the most personable of people.’

 

‘Understatement.’ They shared a shaky smile.

 

‘With you though it was different, it was so easy to talk to you, to seek you out. By the time of Cam’s accident I was head over heels but deep in denial. You were, you _are_ , my best friend and I’d never had one of those, not really, so I just assumed that’s all it was. As soon as Cam told me I was in love with you everything fell into place and it made sense. I so wanted to run to you and tell you but you’re straight and I know you don’t feel that way about me, not to mention the fact you were already rightly furious with me for the whole Keeley debacle. I knew you were it for me, that I’d never love another woman the way I did you but I couldn’t risk losing you, losing our friendship. I vowed never to act on it.’

 

‘And then Fletch was stabbed.’

 

‘Yes. Emotions were high and you were so beautiful, so kind to me, and I couldn’t _not_ kiss you. I regret the fall out but I selfishly cannot regret the kisses we shared on that floor. If I live to be 100 no moment could top that. I was never naive enough to believe that you’d throw yourself across the ward this morning and take me in your arms but I never expected such vehement, awkward, embarrassment. You seemed ashamed of what happened. I know I’m hardly a prize but Jesus Christ! No offence Serena but, even if it didn’t come out how you meant it, a word of advice- never tell someone that kissing them made you want to die. Especially if it’s about a homosexual kiss-I know you grew up not having to worry about such things but I lived in fear of being found out whilst I was growing up. I’ve seen friends kicked out of their homes for being gay, I’ve seen them be beaten up, I watched a very good friend of mine, Hannah, be killed for being gay and in that same attack I almost was too. People killed themselves for being gay.’

 

‘Bernie I-‘

 

‘When I was 16 I knew I was gay but was raised to think it was dirty, that I was broken. There were nights when I would hold the knife to my wrists wishing I was brave enough to only press it down and rid myself of the toxins inside me. Night after night I would stare at myself in the mirror wondering if I **was** broken, if people could see that I was, if I would be better off dead like Hannah. My parents never found out I was gay, they died thinking Marcus was the love of my life, but he never could be. Because I hadn’t met you yet. I often wonder what they would have thought of what happened with Alex, if they would have revoked their bigoted ways if they knew the people they condemned included their picture perfect daughter. In hindsight they must have known I wasn’t entirely pure because of how distraught I was wen Hannah- a girl they persecuted- died, because I was beaten up then too. I wish they’d said something. I wish I’d told them. I don’t know what’s worse -having told them and them hating me or never telling them and never knowing how they’d react. I look at Cameron and Charlotte and know I could never hate them for being who they are, they are my world even if I haven’t treated them as such. I always made sure they knew I loved them though, even when we’d fight. I uh I’ve never trusted anyone enough to tell them any of that. I’d appreciate it if you kept it to yourself.’

 

Serena sat there, horrified, tears pouring down her face as she realised what she’d done, what Bernie had been through, had almost done. She could have lost Bernie before she ever knew her.

 

‘I didn’t-I don’t-I’m so sorry Bernie. I can’t imagine how horrible it must have been for you hearing me say that, and I’ll never forgive myself for doing so. I promise I won’t telI. I’d never tell someone that. Bern please don’t ever think you are broken, that there is something wrong with you. You are perfect just the way you are. I was just overwhelmed by it all and I just-‘

 

‘It’s okay. I understand. I’m sorry my moment of weakness caused all of this. Of course you wouldn’t be in love with me. Who would willingly put themselves through that-I’m a mess. I mean I love you and I always will and I’d like nothing more than for you to love me back but-.’ She froze as Serena darted forward and pecked her lips. Pulling back Serena stared at her, her teeth worrying her lower lip, her head cocked as she seemed to study the woman before her. Bernie wanted to say something but she found herself entirely unable to form a coherent sentence in the face of such an interruption.

 

‘-I’m not.’ Serena finally announced, tears finally beginning to abate.

 

‘What?’

 

‘I’m not in love with you Bernie.’ The blonde flinched.

 

‘Ouch. A little on the nose but I suppose I deserve that. I-‘ she broke off as Serena laid a finger against her lips, a smile spreading across her face.

 

‘But I think I very easily could be. I want to be.’

 

‘Huh?’

 

‘Eloquent as always darling. After you ran out of the locker room earlier I was in a daze-I knew we had a connection but I’d never realised just how strongly you felt. How strongly I felt back. I tried to follow but by the time I’d shaken myself out of my funk you were long gone. I searched everywhere for you and it gave me time to think and I realised something.’

 

‘What did you realise Serena?’

 

‘That it wasn’t the idea of being with you that rattled me, it was how much I wanted it, and how much I didn’t care that you were the one I wanted I’m not in love with you, not yet, but it wouldn’t take much for me to fall head over heels for you. Bernie you are the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen, you are my best friend, you accept Jason as a part of me- even Elinor said you seemed nice that time you picked up my phone and that’s the highest praise from her. I am so very lucky that you came into my life and I’m blessed to be given the opportunity to be more than friends with you. For months now I’ve known that we were going to be lifelong friends-I could so easily see us together in a nursing home aged 90 winding up the other residents. Now I can imagine that and so much more. Suddenly the thought of not being by your side in my future seems ridiculous. I don’t want to fall in love with anyone but you. So I have a proposition for you. I propose we don’t forget about it, we don’t keep it confined to theatre, and we see where this takes us. Starting tomorrow, 7pm, St Antonio’s?’

 

‘Are you-are you asking me out on a date Serena?’ Bernie’s jaw dropped, scarcely able to believe what she was hearing.

 

‘Yes I am and before you ask, yes I’m sure about this.’

 

‘You say that now but what about how you feel when you wake up tomorrow morning? After the kiss you seemed positive but this morning you could barely say two words to me. I love you too much to go through that again. I can’t go through another day like day Serena, I’m not strong enough.

 

‘Bernie look at me. I. Am. Sure. I know my heart but I understand if you can’t trust that after my appalling behaviour today. How about we take this as slowly at your pace until you trust me. We can do as little or as much as you’d like, we don’t have to go to the Italian tomorrow, we could go next week or next month. It doesn’t have to be Italian, it could be takeaway in front of the telly with Jason in our onesies. What do you think?’

 

‘Okay.’ Bernie whispered, so quietly that Serena almost thought she had imagined it.

 

‘Okay?’

 

‘Okay. We’re both grown-ups and I trust that you know what you want. I only hope I can be enough for you. You deserve the world.’

 

‘You’re rapidly becoming my world.’ Serena admitted shyly, her smile lighting up the room.

 

‘Come here.’ Bernie opened her arms, encouraging Serena to shuffle closer to her. Smiling shyly, Serena did just that, pressing up against Bernie gently, leaning stiffly into her embrace as the blonde wrapped her arms around her.

 

It was awkward. Incredibly so. Both women tense, afraid to make the wrong move and dent the tentative accord they’d formed.

 

‘This is silly. We’re both far too tense. Shiraz?’

 

 ‘No thank you. I’d rather stay here in your arms. You’re like a hot water bottle.’

 

‘Your very own heater.’

 

‘God if Ric could see us now.’ They laughed and the tension was finally broken, both women relaxing into each other. Bernie tightened her embrace, forcing Serena to nuzzle into her and rest her head upon her surprisingly unbony shoulder. They tangled their fingers together, thumbs rubbing against each other in a soothing, almost sensual, battle.

 

They lay there in silence for many minutes, simply enjoying the freedom to be with one another.

 

‘This is nice.’

 

‘Yes it is. It could be nicer though.’ Serena smirked as she turned so she could look Bernie in the face , her eyes flickering down to her lips and back up to her eyes, glad to see the twinkle she was so fond of there once more.

 

‘Oh could it now Ms Campbell? Any suggestions?’ Bernie gulped as her gaze flickered down to her best friends lips, a moan breaking forth as Serena’s tongue flicked out to wet them.

 

‘Mmmm. I can think of one or two.’

 

‘Only two? Pity. I guess I’ll have some teaching to do.’

 

‘Well...only one or two to begin with. Starting with this-‘ Serena slid her hands to cradle Bernie’s face, one thumb brushing across her lips, the other hand moving so her fingers could card through the mess that was Bernie’s hair. She leant forwards and replaced her thumb with her lips, brushing a series of feather light caresses across Bernie’s.

 

‘Hmm. A good start certainly, may I suggest a follow up of this?’ Bernie kissed her firmly, lips parting slightly to take Serena’s lower lip between hers. Their arms tightened around each other once more but now allowed their hands to move and explore the curves and planes now revealed to them.

 

Serena bit back a moan as she let her tongue slip into Bernie’s mouth and grinned at the very enthusiastic response. She let herself be pushed gently back to lay along the sofa, pressed down by the lean frame of the woman she could no long think of as not her girlfriend. She started as a deep groan emitted from their joined lips, stunned to realise she was the source. Bernie pulled back with a smug smirk.

 

‘That was so hot.’

 

‘You’re hot. Less talking more kissing please.’

 

As you wish.’

 

* * *

 

‘This is heaven.’ Bernie murmured into Serena’s hair. They’d eaten at the table, somehow managing to eat one handed, unwilling to be parted for a single moment even though they had pulled their chairs so close together Bernie might have well been sat in Serena’s lap. It was strange just how close they’d become once they'd allowed themselves to cross the unspoken barrier. Barely an hour since Serena had turned up on her doorstep yet already knew she could no longer survive without the woman in her arms If Serena changed her mind about all of this or found she could not grow to love her, Bernie was certain it would be the last relationship she entered into. One hour with Serena was already better than 25 years with Marcus.

 

After finishing their meal Bernie had liberated a tub of strawberry ice-cream and pulled Serena down to settle between her legs on the sofa, the both of them spoon feeding each other in an act so saccharine that if they'd been witness to another couple doing it they would've rolled their eyes and privately mocked them to their hearts content.

 

'Mmm, heaven indeed.' Serena craned her neck to lay a series of kisses along Bernie's jaw, the coolness of her lips sending a shiver down Bernie’s spine.

 

Chuckling her deep throaty laugh, Serena lowered her head to scrape her ice cold teeth down the long delicious expense of neck presented to her.

 

‘Oh god Serena.’ Bernie’s head fell back in pleasure, mewling as her girlfriend began to nibble her way across her clavicle. ‘Fuck you’re good at that.’ She pulled Serena’s face back up to hers to engage her in a deep open kiss. ‘God I love you.’ She shot back as she realised the words she’d uttered. ‘Sorry I know you don’t...I don’t want to make you uncomfortable-‘

 

‘It’s okay, it doesn’t make me uncomfortable. To be honest it’s nice to hear it. You’re the first person I truly believe saying it.’

 

‘I’m sure Edward loved you very much before he had his head turned, he did marry you after all and honestly I don’t think it’s possible for anyone to not love you. Robbie-well from what you’ve told me of was more of a Jason issue than a you issue. Of course Jason is a part of you and always will be so Robbie’s just an idiot. Having never known you without Jason I can’t compare who you are now to who you were then but I suppose it must have been a lot for you to take in- for all three of you. Jason is fantastic but I guess he just wasn’t a part of the future Robbie had envisioned with you. It’s his loss but I’m sure it wasn’t an easy decision for him to make. From what I’ve heard on the ward the two of you were very happy together though I hope all future in-car make out sessions will feature only the two us, Unless you’re into that sort of thing.’ Bernie winked.

 

‘Thank you for accepting Jason.’ Serena replied, purposefully ignoring Bernie’s lascivious comment for now.

 

‘I think the world of him, and his Aunt. He’s marvellous and I always look forward to seeing him. How do you think he’ll react to us being together? Do you want to tell him soon or wait until we’re more established?’

 

‘He’s going to be over the moon, he adores you, and I don’t want to hide this from him. He’s always asking after you if he hasn’t seen you in a few days. I sometimes wonder if he doesn’t actually prefer you to me-you encouraged him with the job business and I just tried to hold him back and took it out on you. I’m sorry.’

 

‘Don’t be. You were acting out of love for him-it was all well and good me swanning onto the ward and sticking my oar in, but you were the one who knew him, the one who would have to live with the fallout of it if it fell through. It was more about Arthur anyway. For the record I think Arthur would have loved this development too, anyone with eyes could see how much you two cared about one another.’

 

‘I miss him.’

 

‘I know. I miss him too and I barely knew him. He was a good man.’

 

‘He was indeed. You’re right that he would have been happy for us. He was part of the reason I turned up here tonight.’

 

‘What do you mean?’ Serena couldn’t help but want to kiss the adorable furrows of confusion away from Bernie’s brow, the crinkle of her nose as she tried to work out Serena’s words unbelievable cute.

 

‘Life is short. It can be really shit. Good men die young and I don’t want to waste time not being with you. We don’t know what the future holds but  I do know I want you in it.’

 

‘You’re bloody marvellous you know.’

 

‘I do know. But I’m always open to hearing it regularly.’

 

‘I will bear that in mind.’

 

* * *

 

‘Can I ask you something? I don’t want to rush you or put any pressure on you.’

 

‘You can ask me anything.’ Bernie frowned at Serena’s sudden shyness.

 

‘Can I stay here tonight? With you. In your bed? Not to do anything of course just...I don’t want to leave you right now and honestly falling asleep with you in my arms sounds like heaven. After the week we’ve had I just-oh I probably sound ridiculous.’

 

‘Are you sure?’

 

‘Of course. I’d be happy to share with you when you were just my best friend but now that we’re on the precipice of so much more, why would I be unhappy now?’

 

‘Because now you know I’m deeply, passionately, driven out of mind in love with you. I won’t consciously do anything untoward but I can’t guarantee what my sleeping brain will do. Especially now that I know what it’s like to kiss you, to feel your body pressed against mine.’

 

‘I’ll take that chance. Besides, there’s no one else I’d rather be felt up by.’

 

‘Oh Serena. You are wonderful you know?

 

‘You’re pretty fantastic yourself. Now neither of us are in work tomorrow so I suggest we finish this bottle before we go up.

 

‘Sounds like a plan.’

 

* * *

 

 

‘I usually sleep in a vest and joggers but I’m sure I can find some old pyjamas somewhere for you.’ Bernie pondered for a moment before shrugging and shucking her button up off-leaving her in a sinfully tight vest top.

 

‘I hate to say it but I’m quite a big larger than you in the uh breast and hip department-I don’t think your clothes would fit me. In particular my grossly huge hips.’

 

‘Firstly you are NOT grossly huge in any department and secondly you are perfect just as you are. I happen to be a big fan of your breasts as it happens- Jesus Serena when you bent over to help me in the office earlier… And your hips, don’t even get me started on your hips darling, I could watch you walk away from me every minute for the rest of my life and not got bored of it.’

 

‘Thank you for saying so but you’ve never seen me without my clothes on and believe me I’m all lumps and bumps and bulges and-are you alright?’  Serena frowned as she noticed Bernie had frozen mid action, her eyes glazed over. ‘Bernie? Darling what’s wrong?’

 

‘Nothing’s wrong . It’s extremely not wrong. I was just imagining you without your clothes on, lain across my bed-sorry, my thoughts became highly inappropriate and I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.’

 

‘I’d like to hear them.’ Serena grinned as she stalked across the room.

 

‘Someday, once you’re more used to us being an us.’

 

‘Now. Please Bernie I want to hear them.’ She pressed herself up against up behind her girlfriend, tongue darting to trace the shell of Bernie’s ear, arms supporting her as her knees went weak at the action.

 

‘Are you sure? They’re not PG, far from it.’ She spun in Serena’s arms, searching her face for any sign of doubt.

 

‘I’ve never been more certain. Tell me Bernie, tell me what you imagine when you think of me laying naked on your bed.’

 

‘I imagine you spread across my bed, fingers tangled in the sheets as you writhe under my tongue, my fingers. I imagine your magnificent breasts spilling over my hands as I suckle at them, you screaming below me as I drive into you with a strap on, the mewls you would make as I tease you into madness, the sounds of you cumming over and over and over until you’re nothing but a quivering wreck and I have a shit eating grin across my dripping face.’

 

‘Oh my god.’ Serena croaked, her throat going dry as she imagined the scenes Bernie described. Bernie’s eyes dropped to the ground, pulling herself out of Serena’s embrace, arms wrapped around herself.

 

‘See I told you it was inappropriate, I’ve crossed a line, pushed you too far. I’m sorry I-‘ She yelped as Serena tugged her back into an embrace, wide eyed with unbridled lust.

 

‘Are you wet right now Berenice?’

 

‘...what?’

 

‘Are you wet? It’s a simple question, I can see you squirming, your pupils are big enough to climb through-you’re aroused. So I ask you again-are you wet?’

 

‘Yes.’ Bernie near whimpered.

 

‘For me?’

 

‘Yes.’ A nod.

 

‘How wet?’ Serena slipped her hands under the hem of Bernie’s top , taut muscles fluttering under her touch.

 

‘Uhhh.’

 

‘How wet Ms Wolfe?’

 

‘Soaking Ms Campbell.’ This was a dream, it had to be. She was still in the office, glass pressing into her, the pain driving her delirious. There was no way this was really happening.

 

‘It seems a shame to let those knickers of yours get ruined for nothing.’

 

‘I don’t follow.’

 

‘I want to watch you Bernie. I want to watch you touch yourself, get yourself off whilst you think of me.’

 

‘Christ.’

 

‘You were right earlier that it’s too early for us to do anything _together_ but that doesn’t mean we can’t have some fun. Take your trousers off.’

 

‘You’re drunk.’

 

‘I’ve never felt so sober or clearheaded in my life. You know me- two shared bottles barely touches me. Now, speaking of touching, must I really repeat everything twice? I believe I asked you to do something?’ Bernie nodded and pulled her trousers off, blushing as Serena smirked at the wet patch growing from the gusset of her panties. ‘Lie down. Spread your legs. Hmm Yes. Very wet indeed. I can almost smell you. Run your finger down your slit-ah ah ah did I say you could put your hands down your panties?’ She scolded the vision before her. Bernie nodded contritely, and slipped her long nimble fingers outside of the drenched fabric.

 

‘Sorry. I just can’t wait-you’re so fucking sexy Serena. God!’ Her hips flew off the bed at the first touch of her fingers against her lips, the wetness of the fabric causing a delicious friction as it was pulled taut against her nub. ‘The things you do to me. I can’t believe you can have such an effect on me whilst simply standing at the bottom of my bed.’

 

‘Have you done this before Berenice? Have you slicked yourself thinking of me?’

 

‘Have you?’

 

‘Whilst thinking of me? No. I know I can be prideful but I’m not that self-absorbed.’

 

‘Ha funny-oh!’

 

‘Does that feel good?’

 

‘What the fuck do you think Serena? Of course it does.’ Of course I’ve thought about you- you’re so gorgeously fuckable. Even before I realised I was in love with you I knew I was ridiculously attracted to you. You’ve been wasted on men, they can never appreciate you like I can. I’d appreciate you all night long and still have you begging for more.

 

‘What do you normally do next when you think of me? Show me?’

 

‘Okay.’ Bernie kept her left hand stroking up and down her lips, careful to avoid her clit knowing that it would take barely a circle of her thumb before she was cumming harder than she’d ever done before, her right hand moving to trail up her stomach and along the hem of her shirt. She made to take it off before stopping and sending a questioning glance at her girlfriend. Seeing Serena’s nod she pulled off her vest and bra, revealing her perfectly formed breasts. Serena let out a groan as she watched Bernie pinch at her nipples-she knew they were probably going too fast too soon but dammit she just couldn’t find it in herself to care when Bernie was whimpering like she was. She ached to surge forwards and take them in her own hands but that would definitely be going too far and the show was so good that ending it would be a heinous crime.

 

‘Oh Serena. Yes , please darling yes just like that.’ Bernie’s hand was speeding up, her eyes clenched shut.

 

‘What am I doing to you Berenice?’

 

‘You have your mouth on me, two fingers pumping into me,’ she ripped off her knickers as her hand began to mimic her words. Serena dropped to her knees and studied the vision before her, resisting the urge to clutch the discarded panties to her face . She’d seen her own cunt several times as she got herself off in the mirror, once or twice recently thanks to the very woman in front of her, had seen dozens in her line of work, but nothing could compare to the majesty glistening before her. She could hear the wet slops of Bernie’s fingers crashing into her, the cries getting louder and louder until Bernie flipped over and began to grind down on her hand. Serena crawled to the floor space beside the pillows, found herself unable to stop herself from reaching out and tangling her fingers through Bernie’s hair, forcing the woman to look at her. On mutual agreement both surged forwards into a kiss that was more teeth than anything. A few short thrusts later and Bernie screamed into Serena’s mouth, biting down on her girlfriends lip so hard that later she would swear she had tasted blood. But now was no time to think of such things as Serena tugged on her hair once more, the desire in her eyes and the continued bucking from the aftershocks sending her over the edge once more.

 

Eventually the shaking stopped and Bernie flopped back onto her back breathing heavily.

 

‘That was amazing. Thank you.’ She gasped out. ‘I love you.’

 

‘I should be the one thanking you Bernie. I’ve never seen someone look so beautiful. Were you really thinking of me?’

 

‘Of course I was. Why wouldn’t I? You are absolutely gorgeous. The most fantastic woman I have ever met. You’re the only person I ever want to do that for again.’ Bernie panted, kissing Serena slowly.

 

‘I hope I didn’t make you uncomfortable, I don’t want to think I forced you to do it.’ Serena pulled back after a painfully short moment frowning.

 

‘Believe me my love if I hadn’t wanted to do it I wouldn’t have. I’m glad I could share that with you.’

 

‘I’m never going to be able to look at you in the same way again.’

 

‘In a good way I hope?’ She hoped they hadn’t done the wrong thing.

 

‘Of course. I’ll be staring at you across our desk remembering how you looked when you came and it’ll be all I can do not to press you up against the filing cabinets and have my way with you.’

 

‘Sounds hygienic.’

 

‘Oh shush you.’

 

‘Come here.’ Bernie shuffled across the bed and patted the space she’d just vacated, frowning as she felt a large wet patch on her sheets. ‘Shit. I didn’t? I don’t remember…’

 

‘I told you it was beautiful. Come on I’ll help you strip it.’ Serena pulled Bernie up off the bed, chuckling as their knees simultaneously cracked.

 

‘Bit of a 180 from 5 minutes ago. I’m sorry.’ Bernie turned to bury her burning face in her girlfriends shoulder.

 

‘Don’t you dare apologise. I was honoured to evoke such a strong response in you, even if I don’t really believe myself worthy of it. Off you pop-tell you what, why don’t you jump in the shower and clean up and I’ll sort things out here.’

 

‘You don’t have to-‘

 

‘I want to. Where do you keep your linen?’

 

‘Pile in the corner.’

 

‘Is it even ironed?’ Serena daren’t look.

 

‘Of course it is. I just haven’t got around to putting in its correct drawer yet.’

 

‘I believe you.’ It was clear from Serena’s quirked eyebrow that this was far from the truth. Bernie’s expression did little to dissuade her of the notion.

 

‘It was!’

 

‘Shower woman!’

 

‘Yes ma’am.’ Bernie snapped to attention, her hand flying to a perfect salute, annoyingly pert breasts jiggling at the sudden movement. Serena could help but stare at her girlfriends toned derrière as she walked into the bathroom, laughing as Bernie somehow sensed her gaze and gave a little wiggle before closing the door behind her with an over the shoulder wink.

 

* * *

 

 

‘You’re an angel you know that?’ Bernie grinned as she re-entered the room 15 minutes later, hair dripping from the hastily formed ponytail it had been shoved into on top of her head, towel barely covering her nethers as she stretched.

 

‘I do. Just as you hopefully know you look like a pineapple.’

 

‘But a very sexy pineapple.’

 

‘With those legs you’re damn right you are. Seriously those are amazing.’ Bernie flushed at the openly ravenous look Serena was running up and down her legs.

 

‘Uh thanks. When I was at school people said I should be a model but that was so far from my life plans it was laughable. Didn’t stop them thinking me a blonde bimbo until my exam results came out, I always kept my head down in class.’

 

‘You’d have made a good model but I’m inordinately glad you became by big macho former army medic.

 

‘Hmm so am I, I don’t want to imagine a life without knowing you darling.’ Bernie knelt down beside Serena on the edge of the bed and kissed her cheek softly.

 

‘How do my sheets smell cleaner than normal just by being near you?’

 

‘It’s a secret talent of mine.’ They kissed languidly, falling back on the freshly made bed, rolling about until it was less so.

 

‘Thank you for sorting the laundry out, even if we’ve just somewhat undone your good work. I found a spare toothbrush under the sink, I’ve left it on the side for you. I’ve left makeup wipes and a spare flannel as well, I didn’t know if there was anything else you needed?’

 

‘Sounds perfect.’

 

‘Good. Well I’ll get changed and see if I can find you something to sleep in.’ Bernie kissed Serena on the cheek but made no move to leave the embrace, instead burrowing into Serena’s neck.

 

‘Sounds like a plan. I really very much more than like you you know. What’s with the blushing beautiful?’

 

‘I don’t deserve someone as amazing as you but I’m going to waste a moment of it moping. Quick march to the toilet Campbell.’

 

‘Aye Major!’ 

* * *

 

_Knock knock_

 

‘Why are you knocking?’ Bernie asked bewildered as she opened the bedroom door, Serena’s bashful smile confusing her further.

 

‘I didn’t know if you were getting changed?’

 

‘You’ve already seen me as naked as the day I was born. Plus a whole lot more, or was it really so terrible you’ve already removed it from your memory?’ She teased as Serena followed her in.

 

‘Of course not but that was different, that was in the throes of lust fuelled mania. This is much more...more…’

 

‘Domestic?’

 

‘Exactly.’

 

‘I understand. There’s still time for me to make up the spare room for you if you’d rather.’

 

‘I want to be here, with you, in your bed. It was my idea after all.’

 

‘I know. Here I found some spare lounge pants from when you came over and it had rained so we stuck them in the drier and forgot. Not much I can do about the top situation unless you want to sleep in a hoodie or a massively oversized old t shirt I got from a charity shop a while ago with the intention to paint this room but never got around to doing it. I suppose I have a reason to make this place look pretty now, I’ve got to keep my woman in her finery. Damn I’m going to have to get better sheets aren’t I?

 

‘Oversized t-shirt sounds good though I object to having to use massively oversized clothing.’

 

‘Oh darling I didn’t mean it like that. You know I worship your body. I just meant compared to me with my sharp corners and ganglyness. I have the body of a boy whereas you are 100% woman.’

 

‘I know I’m just messing with you.’

 

‘Minx. Here you go- non massively oversized but perfectly sized clothing for you my love.’

 

‘Thank you. That’s better.’ Serena pecked Bernie on the nose and swanned out.

 

* * *

‘Do you have a preferred side of the bed?’ Bernie asked as Serena returned once more for the bathroom, this time dressed only in a t-shirt showing a sinful amount of legs. Bernie herself was now sat at her vanity and the fact that that, compared to all the twists and turns of the past few hours, was the most surprising thing of the day, sent Serena into a fit of giggles. After explaining the reason for such joviality to her girlfriend she responded

 

‘No bed preference. You?’

 

‘After years in tents I can sleep anywhere. Pick a side.’

 

‘It’s your bed.’

 

‘You’re my guest and so long you’re next to me I don’t care where I sleep.’

 

‘I only changed the sheet and not the rest of the bedding so I imagine the pillow you were using smells a lot like you and right now I think it’d be too overstimulating.’ Besides, who needs a pillow that smelt of Bernie when you have the real thing there in front of you?

 

‘Okay. Well don’t just stand there get in.’ Bernie jumped under the covers and patted the space next to her. Serena moved around the bed but froze as she pulled back the duvet

 

‘Yes sorry it’s just-‘

 

‘Domestic again?’

 

‘Yep.’

 

‘I’m sorry I let myself get out of control earlier, I’ve sullied the ease between us. I’m still happy to make up the spare room for you or I could sleep there. Honestly just having you under the same roof as me is more than I could have dared imagine. We can take this at your pace. In fact I won’t even give you a choice so you don’t feel pressured to stay, I’ll just go and -‘ Bernie reoffered, grinning as Serena rolled her eyes in response.

 

‘I’m in, I’m in.’ Serena joined Bernie under the duvet. They slid so they were fully stretched out and turned to face one another. ‘I should be the one apologising, I clearly got caught up in the moment and asked too much of you and now you’re uncomfortable and trying to cover it up.’ Serena fumbled below the covers, quickly managing to find Bernie hand and tangle their fingers together. She brought their joined hands to her mouth and caressed each knuckle with her lips.

 

‘It’s not that.’

 

‘But it is something?’

 

‘I’m still scared that I’ll wake up tomorrow and you’ll have changed your mind again. Yesterday we were on the theatre floor and we kissed, but then you were incredibly awkward about it all this morning. You know my past now so I know you wouldn’t say the same things tomorrow a s you did today but…  I said I trusted you earlier when you said you wouldn’t change your mind, and I still do mostly, but all we’d done then was kiss and now everything seems so much more real, there’s so much more in the line, more to scare you away.  I’ve never... _’got myself off’_ in front of anyone before, never trusted them not to laugh at me. Not Marcus, not Alex, only you and we’re still only on the precipice of us. There’s a tiny voice in the back of my head, one I’ve lived with my entire life which tells me I’m not good enough for you, that by seducing you into my bed I’ve selfishly opened you to up to a world of homophobic abuse that you don’t deserve, that the only reason you asked me to... _you know_ and everything was because you felt sorry for me after I told you about my shitty childhood. Before you protest I know it’s not that and I know you’d never do such a thing but that doesn’t stop Hilda from harping on.’

 

‘Your inner critic is called Hilda?

 

‘Yes. You have a problem with that?

 

‘No. It’s better than Griselda I guess. Sounds like an ugly stepsister.’

 

‘I like Griselda. It was my grandmothers name.’

 

‘Oh. Sorry.

 

‘S’alright.’

 

‘You know that’s all bullshit don’t you? What you just said? You didn’t seduce me into doing anything I didn’t want to do, if anything I’ve been the seducer today. Any abuse I may suffer from being in a relationship is the fault of the abuser, not you, And I know I’ve still got a lot to do to prove you can trust me when I say I’m in this 100% but I’ll do it by hook or by crook. About me pitying you-nothing could be further from the truth. I know how guarded you are, how much you like to keep yourself slightly aloof. It means so much that you were able to talk to me about your childhood, it was the raw honesty, the fact you trusted me, that was the emotion that carried forwards. I want you to know that even if I never saw it coming I am completely invested in this, us.’

 

‘Good.

 

‘I can never take back the hurt I’ve put you through today but with time I hope you can come to fully trust me.’

 

‘So do I. Come here.’ Bernie lifted her arm and soon found Serena scooching underneath it.’

 

‘Hey, did your grandmother have a stepsister called Cinderella by any chance.’

 

‘Not exactly.’

 

‘What do you mean?’

 

‘Her sister _was_ called Ella.’ She admitted with a laugh.

 

‘That is incredible.’

 

‘I never really thought of the connection until now.’

 

That’s what I’m here for. Bernie?

 

‘Yes my love?’

 

‘Do you think-’ She trailed off, going red at whatever thought she had been about to express.

 

‘Do I think what darling?’

 

‘I love it when you call me that. I was thinking, I know we are at the very beginning of us being together but do you think, maybe, one day you would get married again? To me preferably.’

 

‘I haven’t thought much about it to be honest. I’m barely divorced right now as it is but I do know that I’m not completely adverse to the idea and if I were to get married again-well I’m not going to be marrying anyone but you my love. So long as that’s alright with you?’

 

‘Obviously I’d like to fall in love with you first but I like the idea of being married to you, marrying my best friend. You may be a woman, and a mighty fine woman at that, but I always dreamt as a child that I would be best friends with whoever I spent my life with. Edward was great for a while but even at my most in love with him I never had half the connection I have with you.’

 

‘We don’t need to make any decisions right here and now.’

 

‘No. Bernie?’

 

‘Yes darling?’

 

‘I can’t bloody wait to fall in love with you.’ Serena yawned widely, and nuzzled into Bernie’s neck, placing a kiss there before falling asleep, ready to face the rest of her life doing exactly that.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Would anyone be interested in me continuing this through later episodes to see how it affects them?


End file.
